Boob Jobs

If I were a plastic surgeon, I would absolutely view my work as an art. All that tucking, shaping, lifting, sculpting...how could it not be? People stare at it, study it, critique it...again, how is it not art?

And like any good art, it should profit the artist as much as possible. That's why I would copyright my artwork and establish a royalty system for it. I would offer the patient a discount on the procedure but require royalties to be collected any time said surgical art appears on film, in photographs, or for public functions. I would register my creations with a performing rights organization, which would sell synchronization or blanket licenses to tabloids, modeling agencies, film and television companies, adult entertainment establishments, and Sears portrait studios everywhere. Just like any other kind of artist, if my work is on display, I'm getting paid. It's really only fair. My work boosts a patient's career, and I should be paid accordingly.

"I'll give you 25% off on the procedure, but in return I want points for those puppies. And on the underside of your left boob, I'ma tattoo '(c) Dr. My Name 2010. All rights reserved.' Also, any future boyfriend must demonstrate to you that he has obtained a mechanical license from the PRO before reaching second base with you, or within thirty days of your written notification that he is getting boobage."